he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
