remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
