Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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