I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
