What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
NoShamevember. You game?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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