If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
