I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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