I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
