someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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