i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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