I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
