wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
