Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize