Whod you bang
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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