i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I pour the whiskey from now on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
