does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
