btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize