Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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