The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
