This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
