What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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