haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize