apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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