Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize