paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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