You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
