it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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