I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
