dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
