i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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