Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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