As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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