All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
