ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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