if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
