well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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