Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
