do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
