and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
