just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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