I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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