On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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