how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
