I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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