I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
