Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
