I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
