i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
