Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
