i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
