I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
