if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
