at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize