In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
