like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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