It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
