literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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