After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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