I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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