Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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