just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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