The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
