A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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