No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
