I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
