Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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