Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
